It’s not uncommon for people to suffer from depression or anxiety at one time or another in their lives. But the Covid pandemic shutdown affected some people much more severely than others.
Becky Buller says she was one of those people whose mental health suffered during the pandemic. “As my mama used to say, I was lower than a snake belly in a wagon rut.”
The Minnesota native has been at the top of the bluegrass world, with enough awards to fill a large room. But she felt stuck. “My anxiety and depression manifested itself in different ways during the pandemic. I had a new record, and I couldn’t promote it. One day, I was signing CDs to send to radio stations, and I could hardly write my name. I was in such a bad place.”
Yet, in October 2020, she won the IBMA Collaborative Recording of the Year for “The Barber’s Fiddle” and the 2020 IBMA Song of the Year for co-writing and fiddling on Special Consensus’s “Chicago Barn Dance.”
Her turnaround came when she was commissioned by the Fresh Grass Foundation to compose a piece for their 2023 festival in Bentonville, Arkansas. “I had a song, ‘Jubilee,’ that I started writing early in 2020 in collaboration with Aoife O’Donovan. The song was about wistful longing for mental and emotional rest.” The song laid dormant until the Fresh Grass Foundation contacted Becky. “That song was the seed that blossomed into an entire song cycle,” she says.
“I am more of a songwriter than I am a tunesmith, and I liked the idea of a song cycle, although I had never written one. I listened to a couple of artists’ song cycles, including Paul Simon’s Seven Psalms.” The result of her efforts is her newest album, Jubilee, which chronicles Becky’s lifelong struggle with acute depression and anxiety. The Jubilee is a biblical term for a year of rest, restoration, and liberation, which describes what she had to go through to pull herself out of the depths of her suffering mental health.
When Becky asked the folks at the Fresh Grass Foundation if she could record the piece, they not only said yes, but they offered her use of their Studio 9, in North Adams, Massachusetts, which is part of the Massachusetts Museum of Contemporary Art. The Fresh Grass Foundation operates and manages Studio 9, a state-of-the-art recording studio and venue. “They were so supportive of this project,” says Becky. “They even put us up in a hotel there.”
The album was recorded in two days, September 20 and 21, 2023. Produced by Stephen Mougin and engineered by Dave Sinko, Becky says it was recorded live, with a few vocals overdubbed when they returned to Nashville. The album was mixed by Stephen Mougin at Dark Horse Recording in Goodlettsville, Tennessee. “I am so grateful to Aoife for lending her pen, her voice, and her spirit to this project. I am equally grateful for my incredible band, as they brought this music to life. Ned Luberecki (banjo), Daniel Hardin (vocals, bass), Wes Lee (mandolin), and Jacob Groopman (vocals, guitar).” Becky plays vocals, fiddle, and cello banjo on the album, which was released on May 16 at a release party at the Station Inn in Nashville before her performance there that evening.
The album is a treat to listen to. After the interlude and “Kismet,” an instrumental, the song “Woman” is autobiographical, with Becky being “the woman behind the words,” as described in the lyrics about a woman chasing a thread and spinning a web of tune and rhyme, something that heals, truth to impart. “All of us have so many voices speaking into our lives. Some speak honey, and others speak poison. I am a people pleaser by nature, so I’ve had to learn how to respond to some of those voices.”
“Alone” was released in early April. “I wrote that song when I was at my lowest,” she says. In “Whale,” like Jonah, Becky sings, “Something real big swallowed me whole.” Her joy is unbridled as she explains that she is trying to enjoy life, letting go to let God do her thing. “I’m so glad and so grateful to be here and to have a second chance.” The lyrics of “Whale” express that: “Now I know I only have this day to dance, so I’m making the most of this blessed second chance – telling anyone who will listen to my big fish tale about the time I was rescued in the belly of the whale.”
It’s easy to hear the tension build in the instrumentals throughout the album. From “Kismet” to “Spiral” to “Descent,” there is a noticeable progression leading to the uplifting Postlude. “It came a year of Jubilee, shook the ground under my feet,” sings Becky. “I hope this music is as therapeutic for those listening to it as it was for me to write it. No matter what you’re facing right now, I pray this music carries you toward a place of peace.”
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